D7, P2
I lost another 0.6 pounds! I am going to celebrate each amount, whatever it is, as it moves me in the right direction!
And can I just say, I’m proud of myself. Let me try that again: I’m proud of myself!!
This is my seventh day on a very restrictive program. I haven’t caved, I’m moving on with it. That’s a big deal! I know, in time, when the weight is gone, some people will try to tell me I did it the easy way, or not the right way, or whatever. But lemme tell ya, this is not easy. It takes commitment, a level of commitment I haven’t been capable of in quite a while. The places my mind is already going in terms of the place food has in my life, the place I want it to have in my life…this is so much more than a diet. I can already sense that this is going to be a life changing experience beyond the weight loss. I am going to learn how to cope with stress and emotional stuff and boredom (my big 3 reasons for eating) in other ways, and that is a wonderful thing!
The other part of this is loving myself through the process – from where I am now, through to getting to my goal weight, and the maintenance beyond. I wasn’t kidding when I said in an earlier post, that this is an act of self love. It truly is. What someone else may see as extreme, or radical, or restrictive, is me giving me back my life. And not my old life either, a new life, full of possibilities. The possibility of good health as I age, of joints that don’t ache (now! at 46!), and most of all, the knowledge that I can do anything at all physically (and mentally, believe me, THIS is a mental exercise) that I truly want to do.
I won’t say it’s hard from a point of view of being physically hungry. I’m rarely hungry. There has been the tiredness to contend with, but that bearable, and it’s going away. But there are other ways that it is difficult. Telling people I’m on a restrictive diet is a big one for me. I mean, I obviously need to be on one, so that’s silly. But, sticking up for it, bringing my own food with me to family events for example (although they’re used to my eccentricities with food, and are great about accommodating me), and the HCG part of it, the “crutch”, I guess I’m afraid of what people will think of that, so I’m keeping it quiet… let them try to say something when I’ve lost all the weight! Then they’ll be begging me for how I did it! But I think the fear of what others may think is really a reflection of my own self criticism, because I generally don’t care overly much what others think as long as I’m true to myself.
I guess I expected to feel nothing but positive feelings about this adventure, but I suppose that years and years of telling myself that the only way to do this was clean, healthy eating (which I’m doing), and a moderate, sensible pace of loss (which at the heart of it, no one dieting really wants anyway, we’re all or nothing people who want it off NOW), and no other way to do this was okay. It’s getting used to a new way of thinking about the weight loss process that is challenging.
Can you tell I need to get out of my head?!
Anyway, whatever the negatives are, I turn my thoughts and attention to the positive. It IS an act of self love to do this. It’s the right time for me to do this. And I’m already preparing mentally for the stabilization phase, and for the fact that, day by day, choice by choice, I will have to be watchful, make conscious choices, to keep the weight off once it’s gone. And that’s okay. I look forward to that challenge. And the clothes! LOL.
27 February 2010, 3:25 pm
That’s terrific, Susan. I am in total agreement with you, when you talk about the commitment and how this is a life changing experience. I keep referring back to the protocol, where the whole idea of the metabolism is being reset. Truly! I suspected I was a carb-addict but, oh my gosh!
Once this is all said and done, I will be free of my addiction and able to find maintenance with carbs as nutrition, not as a “must have”. I’m looking forward to that (and the clothes, too).